The Magical Slice of Pizza

The crow floats through the air on a magical slice of pizza. This pizza, about 30 feet long, maybe, primarily consists of pepperoni and cheese, but also has an assortment of delicious toppings. He looks to the left and sees an assortment of mackerel, yellowfish, salmon, tuna, as well as bacon, beef, asparagus, and scallop skewers. He looks to the right and sees a grill barbecuing Galbi, spicy pork, and brisket. He stares in awe as they all grill to perfection irregardless of how the order in which they are grilled might spoil the brisket. They are all perfect.

She stares directly ahead and walks towards the edge on roads of spaghetti. She can hear the squishy ruckus of tomato sauce beneath her shoes and the meatballs scream in pain. “Stop moving! You’re hurting us!” They cry out in pain. The magical slice of pizza continues floating through the air which has suddenly changed from sky blue to crimson. She apologizes to the meatballs and holds still. The meatballs thank her and begin dancing along on this magical slice of pizza. The air goes back to its original form.

Behind him he can smell the wavering braised barbacoa, black beans, rice, cheese, chipotle sauce, all wrapped within a flower tortilla directly on a lily pad of pepperoni. There are so many lily pads in this pond. He turns around and reaches for the burrito. Upon touch, the lily pad swallows him into the abyss. “Apologize!” The burrito shouts from the heart of the pepperoni. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to hurt you, I was just hungry”, he empathetically responded. The burrito said nothing and immediately she was sucked back through the portal the burrito opened in the lily pad and was back on his magical slice of pizza.

The crow finally realized he had a date with one fine pigeon on the top of a factory. He spoke up to the magical slice of pizza and asked if he could get a lift to meet his date at the factory. The magical slice of pizza arrived at the factory and his date was dressed up in a dark gucci coat and was wearing orange Prada shoes. He wondered to himself why she would carelessly mix orange and dark and also whether she had jeans on underneath that coat. He said bye to the magical slice of pizza and gazed into her smile. Although it reminded him of a strange 2D Jack-O-Lantern, he knew she had a good body, so he wasn’t scarred. He knew no fear. He wanted to see what was underneath that dress.


During their date he told her about his ride to the factory on the magical slice of pizza. He described all the different nigiri, skewers, and deserts available. How there were a wonderful selection of meats to grill on a barbecue, and that even though some of the meats were rich in sauce, that the grill would not spoil. He decided not to tell her about his experiences trying to eat what was on this pizza. They were only an instant if anything.

She said she wanted to take a ride on the magical slice of pizza. They decided that they had had enough of this factory and needed to find a pizzeria, so they could get the right magical slice of pizza. They went from Enzo’s to Cugliano’s to Roberto’s, but could never find the right pizzeria which contained the right magical slice of pizza. For years and years they drifted through the wind as the sun shed minimal light through the clouds. They would get to a new destination each day and begrudgingly stuff slice after slice in their mouth; the tasteless cheese and pepperoni, as well as the dry crust. Eventually they started to put on a lot of weight since they didn’t fly as much as they used to from factory to factory.

“I’m so sick of pizza, I don’t think we’re going to find the magical slice of pizza here. she said.”
“Ugh, you’re right. This pizza is disgusting. We’ve been eating it every day for years and years,” he replied.
“Where do you wanna go instead?” She asked.
“I haven’t had Sakana in forever. We should go there. It will probably be delicious”, he cheerfully responded.

They happily flew through the air. They soared like eagles through the sky, undulating like a basketball in and out of the clouds. The sun smiled at them as if they were two perfectly intertwined doves. The sun tried to distinguish the two, but his light blinded him as he started fidgeting in space. Spiraling endlessly and timelessly on this earth they finally reached Sakana.

The server brought over their menus and they smiled back at the server. They briefly scanned the menu from top to bottom, and once the server returned, they ordered calamari tempura, shrimp tempura, yellowtail nigiri, uni, shrimp nigiri, five orders of tuna nigiri, twenty orders of salmon nigiri, sexy bomb roll, who’s your dad roll, 911 roll, and 100 orders of honey toast because they are absolutely incredible. The server laughed at them. “You’re just like Harold and Kumar when they went to white castle!” He giggled.

“Can you believe we were eating pizza for a month straight in search for some magical slice of pizza.” He asked without a question mark.
“Yes, that was so silly of us. You’ve gained 5 pant sizes!” She teased.
Well look at you, your gucci coat doesn’t even fit anymore and you had to buy one at Goodwill he thought.
“I know, how absurd were we? I love the presentation of the sushi here, and the way they’re aligned like a rainbow in descending colors. The soy sauce is totally new and refreshing as well. Its just like a spring morning thats misty and tranquil without any troublesome humidity. Weren’t you sick of pizza sauce?” He asked.
“At first the pizza was probably delicious. We were off elsewhere in search of a magical slice of pizza when it was always here.”
“You’re right. Too much of anything will dilute our appreciation of it.”

They feasted like kings in this tiny restaurant located on Maryland parkway and Flamingo road. They would check their phone every once in a while, but decided that the outside world would also be a way of distracting them from all this delicious food. It took them a while to finish eating their smorgasbord of nigiri, rolls, and their 100 honey toasts which they may or may not have been distributed equally. Inevitably they would end their meal and say goochisoosama to the server before exiting the door. Prior to leaving, though, they had the following dialogue.

“You’ve gained a few pounds from all that pizza, but I truly love the way your chubby cheeks oscillate back and forth like a sine graph when you laugh.” He gave to her as a compliment.
“My cheeks aren’t chubby!” And why does it have to be a sign graph? Why couldn’t it be a cosine or a tangent graph?” She retaliated.
“You’re right they’re not, and the graph can be any trigonometric function you choose. They had just gained a little cushion, but I love wriggling them back and forth when you say something silly. You look as cute as a baby deer on one of Bob Ross’s TV shows.”
“Awww you’re so sweet, I wanna wriggle with you like Marla Singer and Tyler Durden do.”
“Like Brad Pitt does in any of his movies?”
“Yes, lets do it right here right now.”
“No, I don’t think that this would be an appropriate time. The way we graciously consumed our meals as if honoring the fishes’ deaths was better than sex, though, right?
“You’re right, we can just fly home and do it on our perch by the factory.”

Talons tied as they silently walked out of Sakana, “hi-ho”, said the magical slice of pizza! All aboard!

Neither of them answered. They in-joyed all the food around them and peacefully shared silence.



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