Conversation With Myself


Sherif: So why have I deleted all but 30 people on Facebook the last few weeks?
Pharaoh: Because you enjoy burning bridges. In the moment you want to inflict pain on those who inflict pain on you.
Sherif: Did they actually inflict pain on me?
Pharaoh: No, they just don’t live up to your expectations or conditions. Often times you’ll beg for their forgiveness and you come to the realization that they’re only reflecting your own depleted internal reservoir.
Sherif: A depleted internal reservoir?
Pharaoh: Yeah your lack of internal wealth.
Sherif: Yeah I’m pretty broke right now.
Pharaoh: Nice pun bro.
Sherif: hehe that wasn’t that clever in a literary sense, sure almost everyone here got it.
Pharaoh: There you go again. Trying to please everyone, or worrying about what everyone else thinks.
Sherif: I just want to connect with people. I’m lonely.
Pharaoh: You’re just as lonely when you’re surrounded by people as you are when you’re sitting in your cave by yourself.
Sherif: My Pharaoh cave where I blog, listen to trance, progressive house, deep house, and alt. rock?
Pharaoh: Well thats one cave. There are also many other different rooms in the same empty house. There’s also that depleted reservoir we were talking about earlier too.
Sherif: Oh yeah right, the depleted reservoir.
Pharaoh: So get to filling your reservoir. Metaphysically speaking, of course.
Sherif: Wait what?
Pharaoh: If you want to fill your reservoir let go of the concepts of full and empty.
Sherif: Is that how I’ll make friends?
Pharaoh: You make friends all the time you dolt. You just freak them out all the time by the ridiculous things you say. You go out of your way to try to hurt them. Some of the things you say terrify yourself and you haven’t the slightest idea how you even have the capacity to say them.
Sherif: Yeah, all those adages like think before you speak, or if words are silver silence is golden, are pretty true shit. They should call them bandages instead of adages haha.
Pharaoh: Um… not seeing the connection. Anyways, encapsulate them. Embody them. The way you write and the way you act are completely inconsistent.
Sherif:  The bandages? So consistency is key?
Pharaoh: No!!! Where the hell was I ever talking about bandages? Well, bandages can be what you make them as well. They’re just that though, bandages. They cover up the wounds, but they don’t actually contribute to the healing process. Time and biological processes do that in the physical world. Your mind will always cause you pain if you let it. No bandages will fix that. Bandages are just a safety net. As for consistency, if you’re consistently hurting yourself and hurting others then you’ll still be locked away in your mind. You’re trying to find an easy way out, but there isn’t. You need to just let go.
Sherif: But..
Pharaoh: Stop!!!

20 seconds later

Sherif: Well.
Pharaoh: Shut the fuck up and let go.

5 minutes later

Sherif: Did you ever consider..
Pharaoh: No-mind

5 seconds later

Sherif: No-mind
Pharaoh: I can clearly tell you won’t give up, so I guess I’ll have to answer everything for you like I always do. Yes, no-mind.
Sherif: So I need to just clear my head and not think about anything is what you’re saying?
Pharaoh: No, but thats the ultimate goal. Your mind just needs to be a safe place for you to combat your negative thoughts. Remember what Chris Martin says, they’re just spies. It also needs to be a place where you real-eyes your negative thoughts are actual opportunities.
Sherif: How are negative thoughts potential opportunities?
Pharaoh: They’re room for growth. You need to harvest the rose buds from inside the thick outer encasement. Be careful not to prick yourself on the thorns, though. Pay attention!
Sherif: Great idea. I just need to keep peeling away all the bullshit from my mind. I’m like an onion kinda?
Pharaoh: Yes, each layer of the onion is part of you. You need to accept that. Even if one layer is successfully peeled the next might sting your eye.
Sherif: Oooo. I love onions.
Pharaoh: Onions are some of Nakata’s favorites.
Sherif: hahhahahahahahah, I loved Kafka on The Shore
Pharaoh: Now love everything instead of trying to control it.
Sherif: Aye aye, captain. And if I can’t, I’ll let it go. Gotta start filling back up that internal reservoir!
Pharaoh: Sigh, you need a higher a power in your life.
Sherif: I thought you were the higher power?
Pharaoh: No, we’re the same person. Did you get anything out of Fight Club!?!?
Sherif: Can I call you Tyler then?
Pharaoh: NO-MIND

5 seconds later

Sherif: so…
Pharaoh: No-mind!

30 seconds later

Sherif: well…

5 minutes later

Sherif: I figured it out!
Pharaoh: No-mind
Sherif: The higher power is the silent observer monitoring this conversation right now.
Pharaoh: Oh really. Well who’s that?



10 thoughts on “Conversation With Myself

      1. Can you give a detailed step by step instruction something like.

        Go to where it says ____ click this ____ which is located near ____ then do ____ in order to ____ like imagine you’re explaining it to someone brain dead. You truly have no idea how awful I am with technology


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