Conversation With Myself Part 2

Conversation With Myself

 

Sherif: Hmmm.. sigh… I don’t think this Barcelona trip has been going as planned.

Pharaoh: Why do you think that?

Sherif: Well, I was really hoping to make a life for myself in Barcelona. I wanted to make all sorts of close friends and I wanted to profoundly impact my students lives on a metaphysical level. Most of my lessons have been pretty simple.

Pharaoh: You’ve had extremely elementary students so far. As ‘Tango’ has told you during lecture you, “can’t fix a different world if they aren’t familiar with your world”.

Sherif: I suppose you’re right, but I also feel that my own world has been gradually changing. I struggled in making friends, originally, but have been vibing better than I previously had.

Pharaoh: Are you? How do you know that?

Sherif: I don’t know anything. I am choosing to create a better external reality for my-self. I am trying to smile more, to ask more questions, and to remain a chameleon in this city by the sea.

Pharaoh: You have a flowing sea within you. There are tuna struggling against the current, but there are also algae happily swaying in the current. There is a beautiful sea with a fluorescent abundance of neon always flowing. Access it!

Sherif: I thought I was supposed to let go of concepts such as full and empty, and light and dark.

Pharaoh: When you look at a grotesque panorama– when there is not a glimpse of light, what do you think of? Or what would you prefer to think of?

Sherif: Hmmm… I’m not sure.

Pharaoh: Don’t worry about it. No-mind

Sherif: Never mind?

Pharaoh: No, your mind is always operating. You’re not a monk. However, you can act as a monk in your own world. Hell, they spend their entire lives attempting to reach nirvana. Don’t you remember all those walks along the park you took while you were rehabilitating your knee back home?

Sherif: Was Vegas ever my home?

Pharaoh: The lens’ you use to perceive your surroundings is the essence of a home.

Sherif: I’m confused.

Pharaoh: I remember when we walked along the same path across the street from your house. The external house may have had clutter. Your moms’ papers were everywhere, and the remnants of Manami’s smell intoxicated you. I also remember that you noticed all the details of the branches. They seduced you– they danced with you– they all appeared so different yet equally beautiful to you. The sun didn’t need to shine for you to see this.

Sherif: I can smell Manami’s hair. I can still hear the melodic empty orchestra she sang to me and I sang to her.

Pharaoh: Don’t you think that she will always sing you beautiful songs. Don’t you real-eyes that she is always singing. She may not sing to you in the real world, but the message you receive should have transcended your existence. You choose to hold on to what was and wish it could be different. Just accept it.

Sherif: Its so hard. I don’t get it. If she transcended me to a higher plane, then why do I always revert back into my forest? I’m so sick of being blind and helpless in this heart of darkness.

Pharaoh: Imagine you go up to the terrace to have coffee with your friends. It is a dark and gloomy day. The clouds engulf the sun like a swarm of mosquitoes. They suck its energy, but it is always available to you should you access it. Whether its invisible, unseeable, or taking a nap. Your light can always shine regardless of the weather. She allowed you to manifest that light, even though it was only for a year, you real-eyes that light exists within you.

Sherif: Yeah, its like Brian said, “victims are never free.” Wait, you said I have friends?

Pharaoh: Your shackles will always be there to blind you to the beauty of the ugly, the dark, and the trials you go through. And yes, you make new friends everyday. You could operate in that sort of realm if you choose. Others do. They smile unconditionally because they want to shine their light, even if the snakes and apes pound and hiss with all their power.

Sherif: How are trials beautiful? How should I silence my snakes?

Pharaoh: Slither like they do. Be a side-winder. Monitor the oscillation and love the undesirable contortions as much as the desired outcomes.

Sherif: Alright, I’ll start trying– right here, right now. I’ve spent $1600 of the $2800 Fulltilt money I received, but I still have the liquidity to pursue adventure and exploration in a foreign place. I don’t have any friends, but I have a lot of extraordinarily supportive acquaintances that could blossom into relationships should I make enough effort to cater to my own garden. In any drought, I still am alive. I am a crevice in an endless desert. I may have no fuel to slither along the mojave, but I can remain still until my energy is regained. I never lost it, but I may have ignored it.

Pharaoh: Good, good, good.

Sherif: Now slither onwards Pharaoh, do not expect any sort of destination while Slytherin. As long as you’re moving forwards and not sunk into the sandstorm, then you should be able to emerge. You may not be Murakami, but you can appreciate the importance of his Storm.

Pharaoh: Wait you’re Pharaoh?

Sherif: Um…. duh? We’re the same person remember?

Pharaoh: Yeah right, we are the higher power.

Sherif: Nope, the child inside monitoring this conversation with the purest motives untainted is the higher power.

Pharaoh: For sure.

Sherif: Can you actually be sure of anything?

Pharaoh: Nope, but I have faith.

Sherif: So do I, its been a good chat. Peace to you my brother.

Pharaoh: Inshallah

1 hour later…. said some narrator somewhere

Sherif: So should I stay in Barcelona?

Pharaoh: Don’t worry about it. Make applications, go to Budapest for 8 days as planned after your CELTA, and make the best plan accordingly.

Sherif: “I thought the plan was no plan”, Sherif asked without a question mark.

Pharaoh: Of course, there is no plan. Remember, don’t have any expectations. Apply to as many positions as you can to give yourself options. I’m sure things will be more clear on the horizon later.

Sherif: Yeah, you’re right. I can happily look back at the footprints in the sand and am happy to be here, now. I wouldn’t be here if it weren’t for all my missteps, but they created the person I am now, and I can’t be anyone else.

Pharaoh: You’re always the same person despite any past result. You can assign any meaning to your past events that you choose. Don’t hold yourself back.

Sherif: What if I don’t get the job I want and Europe isn’t the fit I hoped for. I could always go home and try to get to Asia right away. I could also give up the teaching thing.

Pharaoh: You and I both know that teaching isn’t what you are passionate about. It isn’t what you planned on doing years ago, but always something you may have been interested in trying.

Sherif: Yeah you’re right. It may not be the right fit for me, but that doesn’t mean I can’t do it for a little while to gain some experiences. I’d like to hope that enough time abroad would hone me into what is best for me.

Pharaoh: Why are you so hesitant to get to Asia? Why are you so afraid of what will likely make you the most happy?

Sherif: Why do you think I’m afraid? Why do I need a place of residents to make me happy? You know I want to see Europe and while I’m here I feel it would be such a waste not to see as much as I can, and gain fluency in Spanish.

Pharaoh: Well does it matter? Why do you care?

Sherif: Because I actually am enjoying teaching. I like the camaraderie and the vibes I share with my Students. They’re awesome. I also wish I could do something more along the lines of language exchange, but am forced to only use English.

Pharaoh: But do you have to stay in Europe to share that vibe, do you have to see all of Europe in order to feel happy? Do you need students in order to teach? Free-lancing might be your best bet. You don’t need to be abroad to do that, though. You can find sites and students from America if you choose to, but I know you’d rather not return to America.

Sherif: Yeah I need some time away and to regain my-self.

Pharaoh: We’re still here dude. Stop thinking and just let go. You’d be shocked in the accomplishments you reap.

Sherif: Aye aye captain. No-mind

Pharaoh: _______

Sherif: No-mind

Pharaoh:

“I love and accept you both, said no-one everywhere” –Pharaoh Maktuk?

 

 

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