Lights sputter– A cat is hypnotized by her performance
Curiosity blossoming in the shadows so crisp
Relinquishing darkness to the glittery ornaments
Each breath a blessing in the timeless ethereal wisp

Up high gracefully continuing on her stroll

A frozen cat pirouettes at the edge of the world
The admiring insomniac in trance to extol
Never budging despite the brisk air so cold

Eyes unwavering her charitable show continues
Sealed to the effervescence of her majesty’s radiance
Crowned by fireflies’ iridescent hues
Parallel wishing wells, retreating from variance

The dreams are solemn requests to deaf earsΒ 
Wishing upon a star never yielded distances so farΒ 
Gaze at the ballerina, admire her without fears
Manifesting the warrior while lowering the spears

Some musings and explanations of the thoughts behind the poem

2016 was my downward spiralΒ  spiritual awakening. A view I’ve developed is that there is an indescribable, formless, interconnectedness within all of us. We are so insignificant, yet we are the creators of history as it perpetuates through time. We can manifest the kingdom of heaven on earth through conscious effort, awareness of our short comings, and mindfulness of the gap between where we are and where we’d like to be, or we can spiral downwards to the depths of hell in denial.

Even when lovers breakup or friends stop talking, the people you let go of leave profound imprints on your life. They still exist inside of you. The positive of what you would like to take away from the relationship still is something that can give you gratitude, but also something that should not take up too much mental space. Although they are not in your physical reality, they are still part of your inner space and they still aid you in summoning from within the infinite realm of potentiality.

Over the years I’ve lost a lot of people I really miss. I am the type of person that likes to take ample blame in endings of relationships, but I still am aware of my accountability in these fall outs. Although I’m extraordinarily blessed to still have some of the most incredible friends I could ask for, for now near a decade, I have also sabotaged relationships with supportive, positive, people because I was too lost in myself and trying to find ways to make myself happy instead of just embracing who I was and loving myself. I unfortunately reflected my inner turmoil maliciously when unwarrantedly feeling hurt by them.

I think this year has been the first year of my life where I can look in the mirror and say that I am blessed for the experiences I have had in my life, and I am grateful for what I have now. My perspective changed. In 2016 I had fallen so deeply into despair, and felt so alone, but the loneliness I felt which inevitably became solitude I treasured, allowed me to nurture the relationship with myself, and started the gradual process of letting go of a lot that had been eating away at me. To start reading way more than I had been previously, committing to a healthier diet, and trying to constantly create a better version of my physical reality.

As you know I’m an online English teacher with Chinese children now, which means I work at night. Usually before work starts, I write poetry and go outside into my backyard and stargaze or just admire the moon. This reminds me so much of Tango in Murakami’s 1Q84. I know all the people in my inner space are staring at that same moon, or can find love in that same moon. They can find beauty, and manifest peace, projecting it back out to the world, including me.

While I stare at the moon, my mind is operative, but not aimlessly chattering. I am the witness of the noise. I can tune it out, or listen to my thoughts compassionately during the ballerina’s performance. The neighbor’s cat pirouetting on my wall. I envision what I want most out of life, and how I intend to get there. I think of all of my past and accept it all, the good, the bad, the ugly, and the most marvelous moments I’ll never forget.

When you stargaze, don’t wish upon a star, and when you pray don’t ask God for anything. Channel in to the synchronicity of the stars. Admire their beauty. Think of your loved ones, and let them go. Think of anything troubling you, and let it go. Remember something you already let go, and let it go again. Follow the cat on the wall, now in between a goal post of palm trees, as the moon scores a revolution in space. Create a more beautiful reality you would want to live in, and that others would thank you for having created.

God exists within you, but so does the devil. You are the witness to which you identify with and you can easily be with one one day, and the other the next. However, God’s light and awareness will always drown the devil’s shadow. Be conscious of who you are, and what you are not. Realize your being is independent of anything attached to a form, and that you can seize any destiny you want, but that that destiny doesn’t define you. You are undefinable. Access forgiveness from the universe and from God by accepting your own mistakes or shortcomings, fixing the leaks in the thought processes which produced them, and by denying fate by becoming the higher power, the creator, through free will.

Until next time

-Pharaoh Maktuk

Image taken from Pinterest


24 thoughts on “Admirer

  1. Pharaoh that was such a deep and really inspiring thoughts…,
    I truly enjoyed how you write and put those thoughts down..

    You have made such real points about people and experience that stays with us even after they are gone..

    The devil and god.. in us .. and is the one that we choose to believe in and give access to our being that counts..

    You were really having a deep conversation with yourself..,
    And you really have grown to love and appreciate yourself..and be full of gratitude …

    A English teacher at nights.. for Chinese..
    Wow!!! That’s so awesome…

    All in all.. love this piece…

    Liked by 1 person

    1. It really is true, even when people aren’t in our lives anymore they still exist inside of us creating by how we live our lives in remembrance of them. Even if it ended a way other than how we had hoped we still have the positive memories and whatever else we can take that empowers us.

      And yeah God and the Devil both are a part of us, it’s the witness of each that decides which we identify with.

      And yeah I’m really loving the English teaching. It’s so much more rewarding than poker, and I’ve been so much happier making less.

      Hope you have a wonderful weekend Nita, much love back at you! πŸ€—β€οΈπŸ’™πŸ’š

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Totally agreed with absolution..
        Love ❀️ how you analyzed it all.. and how you interpreted to be…

        I find that I think a lot alike on this line of logic.. you just put into words the way that I couldn’t express or explain it..

        Love ❀️ how you mind works…
        You have a special gift of teaching.. I think all individuals who have the ability to teach is indeed gifted with a great art..

        And you are absolutely right about the fact it’s who we choose to identified with.. that define us..
        Freedom of choice.. the best we have..
        We are all in control of us.. completely…

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Awww thanks Nita! And idk about having a special gift at teaching, but I definitely am trying to improve at it though and having fun with it!

        Hope you have a wonderful Sunday ❀


  2. I was more captivated by the afterthought than the poem. You see I am a believer. The universe speaks and I listen. And that is why and how I write and try to speak the language of the soul.
    This was fantastic! Will read again.

    Liked by 2 people

  3. Beautifully written, and I especially loved your musings. I truly believe we need to go through the darkest moments to truly discover ourselves and appreciate the light that lives within us. 😊

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Yeah most definitely. I actually read a poem today on suffering, and she said it can be the sweetest nectar and a blessing, and that if we don’t change or embrace something different from within than we just choose to continue to suffer. Thanks for stopping by Jen πŸ™‚

      Liked by 1 person

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