Lights sputter– A cat is hypnotized by her performance
Curiosity blossoming in the shadows so crisp
Relinquishing darkness to the glittery ornaments
Each breath a blessing in the timeless ethereal wisp
Up high gracefully continuing on her stroll
A frozen cat pirouettes at the edge of the world
The admiring insomniac in trance to extol
Never budging despite the brisk air so cold
Eyes unwavering her charitable show continues
Sealed to the effervescence of her majesty’s radiance
Crowned by fireflies’ iridescent hues
Parallel wishing wells, retreating from variance
The dreams are solemn requests to deaf ears
Wishing upon a star never yielded distances so far
Gaze at the ballerina, admire her without fears
Manifesting the warrior while lowering the spears
Some musings and explanations of the thoughts behind the poem
2016 was my
downward spiral spiritual awakening. A view I’ve developed is that there is an indescribable, formless, interconnectedness within all of us. We are so insignificant, yet we are the creators of history as it perpetuates through time. We can manifest the kingdom of heaven on earth through conscious effort, awareness of our short comings, and mindfulness of the gap between where we are and where we’d like to be, or we can spiral downwards to the depths of hell in denial.
Even when lovers breakup or friends stop talking, the people you let go of leave profound imprints on your life. They still exist inside of you. The positive of what you would like to take away from the relationship still is something that can give you gratitude, but also something that should not take up too much mental space. Although they are not in your physical reality, they are still part of your inner space and they still aid you in summoning from within the infinite realm of potentiality.
Over the years I’ve lost a lot of people I really miss. I am the type of person that likes to take ample blame in endings of relationships, but I still am aware of my accountability in these fall outs. Although I’m extraordinarily blessed to still have some of the most incredible friends I could ask for, for now near a decade, I have also sabotaged relationships with supportive, positive, people because I was too lost in myself and trying to find ways to make myself happy instead of just embracing who I was and loving myself. I unfortunately reflected my inner turmoil maliciously when unwarrantedly feeling hurt by them.
I think this year has been the first year of my life where I can look in the mirror and say that I am blessed for the experiences I have had in my life, and I am grateful for what I have now. My perspective changed. In 2016 I had fallen so deeply into despair, and felt so alone, but the loneliness I felt which inevitably became solitude I treasured, allowed me to nurture the relationship with myself, and started the gradual process of letting go of a lot that had been eating away at me. To start reading way more than I had been previously, committing to a healthier diet, and trying to constantly create a better version of my physical reality.
As you know I’m an online English teacher with Chinese children now, which means I work at night. Usually before work starts, I write poetry and go outside into my backyard and stargaze or just admire the moon. This reminds me so much of Tango in Murakami’s 1Q84. I know all the people in my inner space are staring at that same moon, or can find love in that same moon. They can find beauty, and manifest peace, projecting it back out to the world, including me.
While I stare at the moon, my mind is operative, but not aimlessly chattering. I am the witness of the noise. I can tune it out, or listen to my thoughts compassionately during the ballerina’s performance. The neighbor’s cat pirouetting on my wall. I envision what I want most out of life, and how I intend to get there. I think of all of my past and accept it all, the good, the bad, the ugly, and the most marvelous moments I’ll never forget.
When you stargaze, don’t wish upon a star, and when you pray don’t ask God for anything. Channel in to the synchronicity of the stars. Admire their beauty. Think of your loved ones, and let them go. Think of anything troubling you, and let it go. Remember something you already let go, and let it go again. Follow the cat on the wall, now in between a goal post of palm trees, as the moon scores a revolution in space. Create a more beautiful reality you would want to live in, and that others would thank you for having created.
God exists within you, but so does the devil. You are the witness to which you identify with and you can easily be with one one day, and the other the next. However, God’s light and awareness will always drown the devil’s shadow. Be conscious of who you are, and what you are not. Realize your being is independent of anything attached to a form, and that you can seize any destiny you want, but that that destiny doesn’t define you. You are undefinable. Access forgiveness from the universe and from God by accepting your own mistakes or shortcomings, fixing the leaks in the thought processes which produced them, and by denying fate by becoming the higher power, the creator, through free will.
Until next time
Image taken from Pinterest